WOW!

I haven't blogged in over 9 months and my oh may have things in my life changed.  Since May 2012, I have lost 35 lbs and gone on a "natural hair journey" in which I have only straightened my hair twice.

With that being said, I am going to shift this blog somewhat.  I will blog about some of the things I discussed in the past as well as my healthy life style journey, natural/healthy hair, and fashion.

Anyway, I am off to the gym now but I will blog later on this week. :)

The Secret

Ask. Believe. Receive.

It's time to start envisioning where you see yourself in the future.

Do or do not. There is no try. - Yoda

The only way to live a life without regrets is to try. Although things may not work out as you planned, at least you know you tried. Some things just are not meant to be.

The goes for school, work, relationships and beyond. You never know if something is meant to be (or not) unless you try.

My life lesson of 2011.

God is good, better than I deserve

I haven't blogged in over a year, but I just wanted to say that I am blessed. Life is good. I appreciate every one in my life now (and in the past) and all that they have taught me. I have a stronger appreciation for my family and the sacrifices that have made for me to have a good life.

:)

The Source

I remember growing up on all the fairy tales: Cinderella, snow white, beauty & the beast. The basic story line for all traditional fairy tales goes something like this:

1. boy meets girl. girls meets boy.

2. boy asks girl out on a date (i.e. the magical ball).

3. girl encounters some sort of difficulty but it still able to attend said date.

4. girl and boy fall madly in love; marry; purchase a house (mini-mansion) with a white picket fence, have two point four children, and a dog.

5. they live happily ever after.

End of Story... If real life were only that simple...

The thing about it is, the "fairy-tale" goes past just relationships.

I'm sure everyone has had a plan at some point in their life. The plan may not have been idealistic as what I described above but the plan was a blueprint of the future. My plan included graduating from college at the age of 22, become engaged at the age of 23, married at the age of 25, and have at least one child before the age of 30. Boy oh boy, have my plans surely changed.

Going along with the quarter life crisis stage of my life, I have realized that not everything will go as you have planned. There is a plan out there (that I believe God has designed) and as much as we try to stick to that plan, things happen. Life happens. Overall, its important to realize that everything wont always go perfectly but if you keep a positive attitude things will work out in the end. (And if they haven't worked out yet, then obviously it's not the end.)

i feel good.

I haven't blogged in a while. I think starting this blog was an outlet to express alot of my frustrations about my quarter life crisis. The blog helped me come to the realization that everyone is going through the same thing. I had so many friends and associates tell me that they were experiencing the same thing: feeling lost and confused, unhappy with their current life state, and needing change.

Well, the time is NOW! If you don't like something about yourself, change it. If you have always wanted to do something in your life, go do it! I feel like an adult now, and I can no longer use the childhood excuse "I'll wait until I'm older to do that." With that being said, there are alot of things that I am taking full advantage of. In fact, I wrote a "before-30 list" full of things that I want to accomplish before I am 30. I challenge others to do this as well. I feel like writing things down holds you more accountable than just thinking about it sporadically.

Anyway, have a blessed week everyone!

Pursuit of Happiness

The pursuit of happyness is one of my all time favorite movies and I've watched it at least 13 times in the past few months. Chris Gardner (played by will smith) realizes that he is not happy with his current situation and he actively takes steps to achieve happiness. Even though he made sacrifice after sacrifice, it seemed like nothing was going his way. Despite being broke and having no support system around him, he still had faith.

Two things that I admire about the story of Charis Gardner are his personal faith and unyielding pursuit of happiness (which go hand in hand). Although the movie didn't directly discuss his faith, it's clear that he had faith to do all that he did. He believed that at the end of the day everything that was suppose to happen would happen. However he didn't leave it all up to his faith; he actually pursued what would bring him happiness.

Personally I realize that it's that tine in my life to pursue the things that will really make me happy. A friend said to me recently that she wasn't happy with her current situation so she was going to do what made her happy (in her case it was buying a plane ticket to Spain). With that being said, I am actively pursuing my happiness. It may mean that I will make some lifestyle changes but I want to focus on the things that will truly make me happy. It may also mean that I change the people that I surround myself with. At the end of the day I believe in destiny (thus my tattoo). So whatever is in Gods plan will happen...

In closing, I am going to end with some of Rev Runs Wisdom (from twitter): be around what you TRULY want to be around... That's happiness.

Life is Good.

A couple months ago I read the book "The Secret." It is definitely a good read and I suggest for others to read it or watch the movie. One of the activities in the beginning of the book states that everyone should make a list of everything that they are grateful for. Once you do this, you are putting your energy in to the positive things of life instead of the negative. Here goes nothing...



*I am grateful for family members that provide me with unconditional love.

*I am grateful for friends that serve as a secondary support system.

*I am grateful for a job where I am able to pay my bills.

*I am grateful for a functioning vehicle that takes me from point A to point B.


*I am grateful for a plethora of clothes in my closet.


*I am grateful for the education that I have received my entire life.


*I am grateful for always having enough food to eat.

*I am grateful for freedom of religion and speech.

*I am grateful for peace of mind.

My list is much longer but I will stop there....

Dealing...

I think my quarter life crisis truly hit in May and I didn't know what to do. I couldn't help but cry uncontrollably because I honestly didn't know what was going on in my life. I imagined being at the age of 23 with a career, long term boyfriend, and long term plans for the future. Unfortunately I had none of that. I decided to take some personal time to myself to try to figure out what I was doing with my life. Even though I didn't have a major epiphany, I feel alot better with the direction that my life is heading in. Here are some of the things I did to cope:

1. Faith. Honestly, I don't know where I would have been without my faith. In the past six months, I have been to church more than I have ever in my life (Sunday, Wednesday, even random days in the middle of the week). It helps me realize that everything is in God's hands and that everything happens for a reason. Also, I began reading the Bible more. I found that the book of proverbs provided alot of wisdom and helped to keep me at ease.
2. Healthy Lifestyle. I began to walk with a friend in a local park towards the end of the summer. At first, I mainly did it to get exercise but then it turned out to be therapeutics. If I was frustrated or emotional, then walking was a time for me to clear my head. At this point, I exercise (stationary bike, treadmill, elliptical) 3-5 times a week. Most times it helps me to clear my head from my day-to-day stress.
3. Literature. I began to read alot. I read more books in a three month period than I have since hs. I read the following books: The Secret, The Power of Now, Purpose Driven Life, and Eat. Love. Pray. All of the books were very encouraging and enlightening. They just let me know that everything was okay. Everyone struggles but life is not about the struggles, its about how you overcome them.

What things help you to overcome your quarter life crisis?

Overcoming the Crisis

So, if you identify with the things defined as a quarter life crisis or answered yes to a majority of the questions on the questionnaire then here are five things that may assist you:

1. Develop realistic expectations. Unless you are extremely fortunate, you are not likely to get your dream job right away making millions of dollars. Life is what you make it. Therefore, do the best you can with your resources. Develop a mentor in your same profession that can give you advice. Often times, persistence and patience are both key. Working hard in lower-level jobs, can often times merit promotions to a much better job.
2. Take time to discover your passions. Many people feel like they are in a quarter life crisis because they don't know exactly what they want to do with their life. Then they accept their first job offer after college which leads them in to a spiral of other unwanted jobs/careers. Spend a weekend or vacation figuring out what your passions are and the things you would like to accomplish.
3. Set goals and visualize your future. Set realistic expectations with where you want to see yourself at 25, 30, 40, etc... and make sure these are things that you can control. So, if you want to be married at 25, it's probably not going to happen if you are 23 with no current prospects.
4. Consider changing careers. Many studies show that people will change careers multiple times within their lifetime. Therefore, don't be afraid to make a career change (with a plan of course). This may require additional education and further research as well.
5. Cultivate a positive meaning/definition of success. Even though Drake's song says "I want the money, money and the clothes, cars and the.... I just wanna be successful," you must determine what success and happiness means to you personally. This is something that can not be judged by your parents or friends, but only by yourself. If you can determine what would make you happy and feel successful, you are on the start to overcome the crisis...

For more information, http://www.quintcareers.com/quarterlife_career_crisis.html

Next post: How I personally have been dealing with my quarter life crisis.

Questionnaire

So, you may be wondering, "Am I having a quarter life crisis?" To help you answer that question, take this diagnosis quiz which consists of 25 questions. Read each question carefully and answer quickly with a simple yes or no:

1. Are you in a "funk" where you feel like nothing is terribly wrong, but nothing seems right either?
2. Do you feel older for the first time in your life?
3. Are you unmotivated, directionless, passionless?
4. Are you concerned that you don't know what you want to do with your life?
5. Do you feel pressure to grow up and get your adult life in order?
6. Do you feel entitled to a life much grander than the one you are living?
7. Do you often depressed, anxious, overwhelmed, lost, and maybe even a little hopeless?
8. Do you feel a lot of pressure and expectations to do, have or be something?
9. Do you ever feel that time is running out in regards to figuring out your career and deciding whether you want to get marred and/or have children?
10. Are you stressed out by choices that seemingly will affect the rest of your life?
11. Are you experiencing confusion or disappointment in your career?
12. Do you feel that you have failed because you don't know what you want to do with your life?
13. Do you know what you want to do, but can't seem to make it work?
14. Is it difficult for you to make decisions and when you do, you question them?
15. Do you over analyze yourself?
16. Do you even feel guilty for complaining about your life or feel like you are disappointing people (especially your parents)?
17. Are you embarrassed that you have not figured out more?
18. Is a breakup, romantic relationship, or lack or one causing you stress and/or sadness?
19. Are you still living at home with mom and dad?
20. Do you frequently compare yourself to other people your age and feel like you don't measure up?
21. Do you feel financially unstable?
22. Could your self-esteems use an upgrade?
23. Are you thinking about going back to grad school because you don't know what else to do with your life?
24. Are you constantly thinking about the future resulting in anxiety and possibly panic?
25. Is your life just not at all turning our like you planned?

If you answered "yes" to 12 or more of the 25 questions above, you are likely to be experiencing a quarter life crisis. But don't worry, this is not bad news! The purpose of the quiz is to show you that you are actually going through a very normal and natural rite of passage that no one may have warned you about. You are not alone.

For more information, visit http://www.huffingtonpost.com/christine-hassler/are-you-having-a-quarterl_b_326612.html

CHOPPING MY HAIR OFF - Update

So, last Friday I went ahead and got a full head weave. I was excited and nervous at the same time. I was excited because it was something that I had never done before but I was also nervous because I wanted it to look nice.

It's been a week and I LOVE IT! I am able to straighten it in order to get ready in about 10 minutes, whereas it takes me about 20-30min to straighten my real hair. When I wear it curly, it looks like my real hair (only a lot longer). It takes a long time to curl, but I am just getting the hang of it. So I am sure I will be able to cut some of that time down. Overall, I like it because I don't have to put heat on my real hair every day.

Most of my female friends love it! (or so they tell me) But my male friends are split. Some of them say it looks really nice while others think that my real hair is better. At the end of the day, I like it and its something different without me changing my real hair. So, I am definitely going to keep it for another week and probably get another weave! I might be addicted!

And a quarter life crisis is what again?

I spent hours upon hours yesterday trying to define what a quarter-life crisis is. And you know what? I really couldn't define it. It's a state of confusion about so many things in life - career, family, relationships, etc. After my frustration subsided, I decided to further research the phrase "quarter-life crisis" which I thought I made up. Boy, was I wrong. There have been many articles and even websites dedicated to explaining the period post undergrad that many 20-30 year olders experience. In my quest for research I found an article that pretty much summed up all of my thoughts. So, I wanted to share that article.


The Quarter-Life Crisis
by unknown

It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are a lot of things about yourself that you didn't know and may or may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year of two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you do not realize is that they are realizing that too and are not really cold or catty or mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job. It is not even close to what you thought you would be doing or maybe you are looking for one and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and are scared.

You miss the comforts of college, of groups, of socializing with the same people on a constant basis. But then you realize that maybe they weren't so great after all.

You are beginning to understand yourself and what you want and do not want. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging a bit more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and add things to your list of what is acceptable and what is not. You are insecure and then secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you or you lay in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough to get to know better. You love someone but maybe love someone else too and cannot figure out what you are doing this because you are not a bad person.

One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap and getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over and talk with friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision.

You worry about loans and money and the future and making a life for yourself and while wining the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.

www.cds.caltech.edu/~shane/text/quarterlifecrisis.html

IM CHOPPING MY HAIR OFF!

I am so sick of the stereotypes of beauty! It makes me want to go find scissors right now and chop my hair off completely. Or even better yet, wear chocolate brown foundation to make my skin appear 5 shades darker. Now realistically, I like my long natural hair and I don't plan on cutting it anytime soon; I also enjoy my skin color and would look like a fool with dark makeup on. I just hate the stereotypes.

What I hate even more than the stereotypes of beauty, are when people say "I don't have a 'type'". Igga Please! Yes you DO have a type! Every female you have ever talked to is a "long-haired thick red bone." Please do not feed me or anyone else that garbage.

Everyone has preferences and I understand that. I prefer oranges over apples. I prefer meat lovers pizza while you prefer veggie pizza. My preferences are my preferences and they probably wont change any time soon. I just hate the history associated with the stereotypes of beauty and the lengths that people will go to in order to attain that beauty.

Ever since WE (yes, i said we) were no longer in slavery, we attempted to assimilate with white society. Light skin was IN! Straight hair was IN! Those things were more white and our ancestors believed that would help them fit in. Our grandparents or great-grandparents may be familiar with the brown paper bag test (for skin color) or the pencil test (for straight hair). Often times, those that did pass these tests were mulattos. It's just sad to me that the standards of beauty have not changed that much over time. Sure there might be a season where "dark skin is in" but at the end of the day the historical stereotype prevails. Geez, Chris Rock even made the documentary "Good Hair, Bad Hair" to show the lengths women go to for "good hair." But who really defines what good hair is? who really defines what beauty is? At the end of the day, everything is relative.

I will admit that I am a victim of succumbing to the societal pressures of beauty. Even though I have never gotten a perm (also known as relaxer) in my life, I am constantly straightening my hair. Granted, putting that much heat on my hair regularly it is not healthy. I don't care. I like my hair straight. Other people like my hair straight. And straight hair is considered "professional." I get the most compliments when my hair is straight and/or curly. Maybe if I received just as many compliments (or more) of my natural hair, I would wear my natural hair more often. Or maybe I just like my hair being straight. Is it wrong of me to like my hair being straight - which is stereotypical.

Quarter Life Crisis: This Friday I am getting a weave for the first time in my life. I used to joke with my friends about getting one but I was never serious. I mean, c'mon now, my hair is relatively long. However, I have always wanted long(er) curly hair. So I am doing it! If I don't like it, I can always take it out. As opposed to doing something much more dramatic like cutting my hair, which I can't easily get back. Anyway, I'll def post an update and pics with my "new" hair.

Im blogging because...

Some blog to inform others about a certain topic, but that's not me. Others blog to receive attention, but that's not me either. Some even blog to tell stories (and even though I have some great stories), unfortunately that's not me. I blog because I have alot on my mind. I'm not really looking for answers or opinions (even though opinions are greatly appreciated). I just have a lot of things on my mind, and I want to be able to look back and see how much I have grown/my attitude towards things changes (if it changes).

Side note: I used to blog my freshmen and sophomore years at Butler. It's pretty interesting to see the things I was once stressed about (and how they really are irrelvant in the grand scheme of things). You can check it out at www.sleepyt04.xanga.com